When Love Turns To Dust…

holding back those tears.

           Pain is all that was left. No trace of hope can be seen in her eyes, sanity almost wither and only anguish harbors inside her heart and mind. He was gone. No more shimmering light to guide her hands.

All hope is gone.

maybe...

           

…It all happened suddenly.

A dramatic turn of events...

In just a snap, fate broke them apart. He dumped her without any warning, saying that he had met a new one. She doesn’t want to say goodbye, but how, when all that she believed seems to be an utter lie.

How did this happen? Why? Where was love? Had Eros forsaken her, why? Dazed, she let confusion pile up in her mind.

            Sleepless nights, her eyes drench in sorrow, fleeing from sanity was her only remedy; all she wanted was to move on, but how? Where? How?

             When all that’s left, was fragment of broken vow, a disregarded promise and fogged eyes. She just wished that the pain would stop. But how, when each time she closes her eyes, memories of him clog her mind. Her reasoning abandoned somewhere in the heavens. Anchors of dilemma cast inside her heart, so conceited to deny the bitter-sweet truth of reality. He was gone, yet it’s him that she longs to see whenever she wakes up.

The harsh wind continues to blow them apart. Love sets down together with father sun; though unlike the latter, love won’t have a new dawn in her life, and just like love, pain was also a deathless god that will cling forever inside her shattered heart.

i guess...

Suddenly, all she that she had believed fades to black. He’s smiles are now the lit of her pain, the cause of her tears, the foundation of her suffering. Memories of him were a constant hurting.

She tried to stop him, to fight for him, but courage wasn’t on her side. Though love has the capability to tear down all walls, right now pride was far much superior. Pain and agony was always beside her, they will be her comrades for a long time. Silently, she wallows in her sufferings.

Longing for a cure, like a bird in the middle of a dessert, fooled by the mirage of fake smiles, she soars higher into the sky of hallucination. She rises towards her lamentation and pampers herself within the sea of clouds. Phony comfort was all she had. Knavish feelings soothe her sorrow, letting fraud lovers to heel her broken heart. How long must this apathy go on…how long.

She just wants to move on…

But how…

She can’t

Let go.

amen.

            

How To Be A Father…

            Is not that easy. You see, one must sacrifice a lot of things or should I say tons of it. From time, to whatever that may pop up inside your mind. It’s not that easy, but it’s all worth it.

            By all means, creating or having a baby is easy as 123 that even midgets have knowledge on it. I mean, hey don’t be such a hypocrite and start casting words of ignorance. Lots of teens now are engage on it, though there are some few that’s not in to it…yet. Still, most of our youths are doing the “thing”, so don’t be a pain in my ass and pretend that you’re going to be beatified by the pope.

Oh  Yeah!

            All male has the capability to become one, but to be a real father? Seldom of us had been triumphant. It’s not that easy as one may think. Sleepless nights, the sweet smell of your young ones excrement, shifting sleep schedule, the loud roar of a hungry baby at 1am. It’s not that easy to wake yourself and get up from your great slumber.

 It takes a lot of love and affection.

            By all means, things start to change. All you want is the warmth of your precious child’s hand. All you want is to hear the tiny sound of her asleep. All you want is to see is your dear child and nothing more.

            You’ll become delusional, a cynic, a schizophrenic thinking that other would try to hurt her.

            You’ll become an agnostic of all the things that’s related to your child’s security.

            You’ll become awfully protective on everything that comes near her.

            …and lastly, you’ll become plain arrogant on things that your child can do. Heck I am.

                    

            All you want is, that time would conceit your heart and stop its hand so you could hold your baby inside your arms for the rest of your life. To make her feel being loved, cherished, to make her feel valued. You’ll let go of everything just for her sake, for her laughter, for her sweet smile…and it’s all worth it.

            It’s not that easy, believe me. Being a father is an everyday learning that one must comprehend, discover and understand. Sadly, there’s no school for it, but every men is expected to pass this task. It’s a gift that one should enhance always and forever for the sake of his prized child. And sadly again, some men managed to finish this with flying bottles; spinning round kick, some superman punch and a rear naked choke…may they rot in hell. Amen.

color blind

            In this game called fatherhood, I’m just few paces ahead from the place called start, and there still a long way lies ahead of me. There still vast of lesson that I must learn; things to discover for my child’s sake. I just pray that, when I reach this games finale, I’ll still be me, loving my only princess with all my heart.