Its 3:21 am, and I’m still up by
this thoughts that’s holding me to lay back and dream somewhere in the heavens
with her, or maybe it’s due to this thick caffeine that id been sipping
relentlessly or maybe it’s because of those massive beer that we gulped last
night to help me escape in this world of not having her. No stars can be seen
from here and mother moon weeps tears somewhere behind those dark clouds of
lies. My heart wails in this catastrophe and I can do none to ease the pain
inside. I reside in this inevitable agony, no love for me to snuggle. Silently,
I weep inside and no soul can understand the apathy I feel.
Love was never wrong, I think.
Only time and situation might be. Utter sadness resonates in my heart, death and
hades smear at me from afar; betting if I’ll slit my throat and meet them in
the 9 circles of hell. Sacrifice was the only language of love, and it is
always accompanied by his friend pain. And I know, Pain and love, they are both
deathless gods.
Was it too early for me to let
go? Or was it too late for me to gather my strength and fight? All I know is
that I haven’t even start to fight, or was there still reason to fight? Tears
run dry as I hid myself in this comport of pretention, smiling at every soul,
hiding the sadness that resides in my eyes. To whom will I tell? Is there
anyone knows the pain I keep inside? Must I give up and dwell in a muddle of
agony called letting her go?
I’m so weak; I can’t even
fight for my love. All I can do is cry in front of this gadget as I put my
sufferings into words that no mortal can understand. I tried so hard to conceal
this pain, yet tears still manage to slip out from my eyes. I wish she was here
to comfort me from this ever-present agony. All my iniquities had led her to
leave me; all I can do is mock at destiny and moan for my wrong decisions.
I’m stuck here in this limbo, spinning
round and round, chasing an empty dream. Wishing that I had the guts to drop off
these chains of commitment, chase those wind of happiness and fly amidst the
heaven of love and fear.
Cold breeze
touches my soul, telling me to let go. Yet I can’t, no matter how hard mother
earth tries to bribe me with her wealth, all I can see is doom if I’m not with
her. I’m just a weakling, I’m just pretending to be a tough alpha male, yet
inside, and I’m too weak to fight for my life. I’m too weak and I can’t let go.
How can I move
on, when she’s all I can think of? How can I start a new beginning, when it’s
her eyes that I long to see each time I wake up? How can I live, when she’s the
air I breathe? But everything has its own reason, and not without a cost that we
will go down in to this abyss, it is willed from high above, yet I just wish
that we were faithful to those oats we have blurted out. Sadly, all I feel is that
I’m the only one left in this universe called love, waiting, dying from this
never-ending pain.
If by
chance, somewhere in the future, we’ll meet up again, maybe by fate, I’ll fight
for her no matter what the cost, forever I'll cling on that someday.
 |
| Everything must come to an end; I was just dreaming mine to end beside her… |
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